Spring

I have so many thoughts in my head at any given moment that I often feel incredibly overwhelmed. This has led to many breakdowns and panic attacks. I have a hard time dealing with these thoughts, often to the point where I just cease to function and curl up into a ball. At times, however, when I gather enough strength and courage, I pick up my iPod, put my earphones in and take a walk around my neighborhood.

The fresh air, along with the music flowing through my earphones and the physical act of walking helps free my mind, if only for a brief moment. There is something calming about just soaking up the surroundings, looking at people go about their lives, cars passing by, that just puts me at ease a little. I enjoy my walks quite a bit, but lately my walks have gotten a little bit more pleasant.

Every year during Spring here in South Africa, the Jacaranda trees bloom. These trees are common in certain parts of South Africa, but are not indigenous to this country. The trees were planted here by a man called JD Celliers in 1888. The saplings were brought here from Brazil and are native to South and Central America. Strolling the streets, admiring these vibrant trees and taking in their lovely scent is just… something else. In fact, the word ‘Jacaranda’ is believed to mean ‘fragrant’ in a native South American dialect.

This period of my life is just me in limbo, or in purgatory. I am simply existing. Every day I wake up and think, “I have had enough. I am ready to check out.” However, I stay. I guess I am too scared. I am also living because my death may upset other people. However, when I go for my walks, I notice the simple things, like the sunrise or sunset, the fresh air, these beautiful trees and flowers, and it just makes me smile. I guess, for now, these are good enough reasons to keep being here.

3 thoughts on “Spring

    1. Thanks so much, Chlo. Yeah, I did take them. I really am not the best at photography haha. When I was going through them, I was like, “Man, these did not come out as well as I thought they would.” But to get a compliment from a photography genius like you is such a compliment.

      Haha I somehow knew you would roll your eyes at that sentence.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Pingback: Spring Part II – Before The Clock Strikes 12

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