People often say that life is a race. If that’s the case, then I am so far behind. In fact, I haven’t even started the race. I’m still looking for my running shoes. Everywhere I look, people are running past me and reaching incredible milestones, and there is nothing I can do about it. All I can do is focus on my own race, but that is so hard to do when everyone around you is doing great things. Maybe I’m holding myself back. I blame myself for where I am in life. I could have been so far. Done so much. The years keep passing me by and I am nowhere. I truly am in the midst of the worst quarter-life crisis of all time.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently, more so after talking about it with a friend. If life is indeed a race, then where/what is the finish line? How does someone ‘win’ life? And who are we racing against? People our age? If so, why? Why must we compare everything we are doing to someone else? I ask all of these questions, yet I do this a lot. I am so far behind in this race we call life. I haven’t achieved anything of worth. I haven’t experienced or done amazing things. I guess I can say that I did not have certain opportunities that other people did, which is true, but I have a hard time telling myself that. If I knew I was going to die tomorrow, I would not be happy with how my life turned out, although I do believe that I would be happy I was finally dying.
I am tired of life. I wish I could just forfeit this race. But I can’t. I feel as if the world is against me. I am exhausted. I have friends but I feel so alone. I lack… companionship. This blog post makes no sense. It’s just me rambling, but I needed to get these thoughts out somewhere. I say this all the time, but I really think I am at the end of my rope… metaphorically speaking. Maybe the fact that I feel alone is a huge part of me feeling the way I currently feel. I feel so empty. I am just so lost in life, and confused and alone and I don’t know what to do anymore.