I went to the mall today to sort something out: something that may seem small in the grand scheme of things, but to me is just the latest tragedy in the dumpster fire that is my life. After I was done I went back to the car and sat in it, just there in the parking lot, and all of a sudden it felt like the weight of the world just hit me hard and I broke down in tears. I am just tired and fed up with life. I am tired of existing, because Lord knows that what I am doing right now is not living. I just sat there, wondering when/where/how my life went so wrong. Recently, someone in my life sent me a message saying that I am not going through anything in my life to make me depressed. They said some other things, but the gist of it was that they think I say and do these things for fun, as if it is a joke. They don’t understand what I am going through, and to be honest I hope they never do. I may blame myself for a lot of things, but I am not going to justify my depression to anyone. Who is that person to tell me such things? I read that message and I did not reply to it. I still haven’t. I don’t think I will. I don’t think I have anything to say to that person anymore. Maybe when they’re at my memorial, seeing me in my casket wondering if they could have handled the situation any better, maybe then and only then will they understand or even begin to understand what me and my depression. I hate life. I wish I could die without anyone noticing, and just disappear without a trace. Wouldn’t that be nice.